Brudny Zyd nonetheless decides to go to Poland because he wants to be famous even in Poland. Brudny Zyd says to himself What the Hell let's go to Poland.
So Brudny Zyd is at the airport checking in at the LOT Airline counter to go to Poland. At the LOT Airline counter Brudny Zyd explains to charming Pollack LOT lady who checks him in that he's happy to go to Poland but he would prefer to go there first class or even business class rather than economy class. Brudny Zyd does not tell charming sexy LOT lady that he does not want to travel economy class because of all the Pollacks. Brudny Zyd explains to charming sexy friendly LOT lady he likes first class or even business class because the seats are bigger and wider and more comfortable and since Brudny Zyd has a bad knee from playing too much tennis it would be better for him to go to Poland in first class or even business class. Brudny Zyd of course lies about his knee. Brudny Zyd has no problem with his knees.
On the contrary Brudny Zyd has very strong knees. If the charming sexy friendly beautiful LOT lady wanted to he would wrap his knees around her to show her how strong his knees are. Brudny Zyd does not say that to the charming sexy friendly beautiful eager LOT lady he only thinks that to himself. Also Brudny Zyd does not mention that he likes first class or even business class better because of the filet mignon they serve for dinner and also because of the champagne and the fine French wines and the extra bread and the exquisite friendly service from the beautiful sexy LOT stewardesses who all speak with such sweet and sexy Polish accent. No. Brudny Zyd simply asks if possible he be upgraded because of his bad knee. Charming LOT lady smiles sexy smile and says Why not just like that. She likes Brudny Zyd.
She senses he is a famous man. Brudny Zyd is so happy he almost jumps over counter to embrace charming LOT lady but refrains from doing so. Brudny Zyd does not want to be noticed by the Pollacks who are waiting in line behind him. And so to expedite the story a bit Brudny Zyd travels to Poland in business class. Charming LOT lady explained that first class was impossible because she could get in trouble with LOT Airline authorities but business class is okay. In business class Brudny Zyd gets lovely little kit full of lovely little Polish things in it. In the business class Polish kit Brudny Zyd finds a mini Polish toothbrush a mini Polish tube of toothpaste a Polish razor a Polish toothpick a pair of Polish slippers and many other Polish things. But Brudny Zyd does not use any of the Polish things in the kit.
Brudny Zyd does not trust Polish things. Brudny Zyd does not trust Pollacks either. Brudny Zyd would love to fuck charming sexy friendly beautiful Polish lady LOT stewardess who gives him great service in business class.
The one with the big Polish boobs. But Brudny Zyd is afraid that his cock would reveal that he is Brudny Zyd. On his way to Poland Brudny Zyd is suddenly sorry that he is on his way to Poland. Brudny Zyd knows that it is too late now to turn around. So Brudny Zyd says to himself Fuck it I'll go to Poland. Brudny Zyd hopes everything will be Okay for him in Poland.
While all the Pollacks in economy class are getting drunk on Polish vodka and making a lot of noise Brudny Zyd wonders as he tries to get some sleep in the big wide business class seat after he ate the good filet mignon and drank lots of fine French wine if he will ever come out of Poland alive. Brudny Zyd knows that many Brudny Zyds never came out of Poland. Now he doesn't give a shit any more if he becomes famous in Poland. He can become famous somewhere else. All he wants is to come out of Poland alive. Brudny Zyd is worried that he may end up in a Polish bar of soap. If Brudny Zyd is given a choice in Poland between becoming a bar of soap or a lampshade he will tell the Pollacks that he prefers to become a lampshade. Brudny Zyd knows from experience that lampshades have more of a future than bars of soap.
[The story of BZ will be continued if all goes well for BZ in Poland]
Copyright © 1996 Raymond Federman