The Anti-poems by Raymond Federman

A to Z Poem A to Z Poem


The Potato that Became a Tomato

Radio Talk

Anatomy of the Poet's Skull



Ah aie -- aloah!
Bobby bi. Beau: boo!
Baa -- Be: buy, beau, boo
Cocky kike owe coup
Cock: eek!  Eye Coke: ooh
Dah: Dee -- Dido do
eh! Eve ear elu:  Elie
Fa: Fee fi fo foo
Goggy-guy go goo
Hmmm!  Hop-la
I iye yid id idea! iiiiiiiiii!
Jaw: Cheech, I ... Joe -- Jew?
Kaka kuku kalo -- knop
Lolly-lye -- Low Lou
Law!  Lee, lie low: loo
Mommy!  My moe moo!
Mommy -- Mime?  Oh, mu
Nah -- Knee nigh, no new
oh! ---------O---------- oh!
Poppy-pie: po-poo -- papo
Pa?  Pee?  Piep?  Oh, Poo!
Queue barbeauque quuquy
Ra, rear-eye.  Row, rue
Saw: cease I -- sew (Sioux)
Saucy sigh -- so sue!
Saws ease, I sew sou
Tati!  Tie toe to ...
Ugh!  Uni uno una un
Voila!  Voix l=E0: void vidi
Wha --?  We?  Why? Woe! Woo
Xuck -- seeks eye -- XO XU
You yid yup yup yoo
Zazie's eyes: Ozu
Zazeez, I zo!  (Zoo)!

NUMBERS it is very important to remember [1] as Jasper Johns so well demonstrated with his numbers [2] that numbers can only refer to themselves [3] numbers alone have no story [4] no story to tell [5] only when they are added subtracted multiplied divided do numbers tell a story [6] then they have a plot [7] they mean something [8] they mean having more or less of whatever one has [9] more or less of whatever the numbers now refer to [8] but numbers standing alone refer only to themselves [7] that is why the number 9 is so perfect [6] it cancels all the other numbers when they are added subtracted multiplied divided one with the other and the result is 9 [5] 0 is okay too [4] but his particular visual quality makes certain people confuse it with the letter 0 or with the symbol of a hole [3] this is not so with the other numbers [2] their visual quality brings nothing to the mind [1] concretely or abstractly [2] numbers standing alone cannot become symbols [3] they cannot mean [4] they are nothing [5] they mean nothing [6] they are nothing but scratches on the paper [7] but numbers when added subtracted multiplied divided become dangerous because they mark the difference between those who have much & those who have little [8] between wealth and poverty [9] between all or nothing [0]
THE POTATO THAT BECAME A TOMATO Oh! the potato the po ta to the po to ta the pa to to the to pa to the ta to pa the po to ma the pa mo to the po ma to the ta po mo the po mo to the po to po the pa to ta the ma to po the ma pa to the to mo pa the mo ta to the to to ma the ma to to the to ta mo the to ma ta the to ma to Ah! the tomato
RADIO TALK [a true poem] An interviewer on a radio talk show asks an artist to tell him if the numbers of hours he spends painting in a year corresponds to the amount of money he makes in that year The artist mumbles something about how art and money are not compatible and leaves it at that I wanted to butt in and tell that asshole interviewer that he was confusing A job with Work A job is where one goes to make money Work (especially Work well done) is what gives pleasure and nothing else A job is boring A job is tedious A job is embarrasing A job is exploitative A job is humiliating A job is idiotic A job is a waste of time But Work well done always gives pleasure and satisfaction A job is what you do five days a week for a determined amount of time usually prescribed by your boss and your needs A job is limiting Work takes place all the time even when you sleep Work is indefinite
ANATOMY OF THE POET'S SKULL Unenhanced and enhanced CT scans of the skull obtained: ventricles and sucli age appropriate no midline shift no focal gray or white matter abnormality nor bleed noted 2x1 cm. slightly enhancing soft tissue plaque abutting the internal auditory canal on the right laterally and slightly indenting upon the right cerebellar peduncle. Enhanced axial and coral CT scans of the orbits obtained: Globes optic nerves optic chiasm and extra ocular muscles symmetrically normal no abnormal intrachonal or extrachonal inflammatory or neoplastic changes bony orbits intact but pronounced leftward nasoseptal deviation concha bullosa of the right middle turbinate and low grade inflammatory mucoperiosteal thickening of the right maxillary antrum. Minimally enhancing and en plaque soft tissue mass in right cerebellar pontine angle with differential diagnosis of meningioma acoustic neuroma and epidermoid. Detailed evaluation of posterior fossa with gadolinium is suggested. Otherwise all is well with the poet's skull.
ACRO BATICS Y O U give a work out to your essential muscle and all your other muscles essentially also get a work out ***** *** * therefore exercise your essential muscle as often as possible so that IT stays I N g o o d shape to make all your other muscles also profit
Copyright © 1996 Raymond Federman